The GITM Playbook: Your Ultimate Beginner Buying Guide to Choosing Your First Sex Toy (Vibrator)

Hi everyone!

Welcome to the GITM Playbook. We’ve been in the sex toy world for over 20 years, and after talking to our community and working with experts, we’ve realized the biggest thing stopping beginners from enjoying themselves isn't the toys—it’s the stuff that happens before you even pick one up.

To bridge that gap, we teamed up with an incredible expert: Suzanne Noble, sex educator and host of Sex Advice for Seniors. Together, we’ve broken everything down into four simple pillars: Mentality, Body Literacy, Toy Logic and finally Aftercare to keep both your body and your toys safe and healthy. (Wellness is the first thing!)

We built this guide to give you the real "buying logic" you need to skip the confusion and just have fun. It's time to explore your body on your own terms

---

 

Pillar 1: Mindset & Expectations — Clearing the Path

This is a vital first step. Before we even talk about toys or anatomy, we have to talk about what’s happening between your ears. As Suzanne explains in our Pillar 1 video, your mindset is the foundation for everything else.

Many of us were brought up in cultures or households where self-pleasure was a "hush-hush" topic, often wrapped in layers of shame or guilt. If you feel awkward starting this journey, that is a perfectly normal human reaction.

Here are the few topics covered, we distilled them for you!

1. "Am I Normal?" 
   Whether you are 18 or 80, the answer is always yes. There is no expiration date, there is no "right time" to start exploring your body. Curiosity doesn't have an age limit. And this is your journey, so, your pace: some people discover pleasure early (like Suzanne’s "shower hose" discovery at age 10), and some don't explore until much later in life. You aren't "behind," and you aren't "broken."
   
   
2. Overcoming the "Shame Barrier"
   Shame is a learned emotion, not a natural one. It acts like a "mental brake" that can physically prevent you from having pleasure. If negative thoughts pop up, acknowledge them, but don’t let them drive. Besides, beyond just "feeling good," exploration releases hormones that reduce stress and help you sleep. It’s a form of self-care for your brain as much as your body! Chase away the shame, get the slay.
   
   
3. The "Mental Setup" Mind Map
   Before you reach for a toy, use this GITM Mindset Checklist to set the scene to make you comfortable and relax, to make sure you have the right fun:
   Set the Environment: soft lighting, music, or a warm bath, or anything that makes you feel relaxed; Set the Expectation: "pleasure" or "exploration"? (Choose pleasure!), Give yourself permission! Have I given myself permission to enjoy this moment? (The answer is always YESSS).
   
   
4. What if I don't like it?
   That is a completely valid result! Disliking a sensation isn't a failure—it’s meaningful feedback. It helps you learn what your "no" looks like, which is just as important as finding your "yes." Exploration is about determining what you do and don't like, with zero requirements to perform. If you like it, you keep it; don't like it? Leave it (Tell it, who are you? I am the master of my own body!). No pressure.

[Watch Suzanne’s full video below for a deeper dive into moving past shame and setting realistic expectations for your first time.]

Pillar 2 — Body & Sensation Literacy

For this chapter, it is very important. Some of you may have learned your body structure from high school, in biology class; some of you may not. And some of you may be ashamed of really looking at it, but you have to know it, you have to know what you are dealing with. The saying goes: the fear or the unknowning is the true enemy. You learn it, you face it, you will know how to have fun correctly, safely, either by yourself or even with the company of your partner, you know what we mean. So let's take a look at it.

2.1 Body Structure & Mapping

Think of this as your personal pleasure map. Sensations originate in different places and respond to different types of touch.

2.1.1 The External Landscape (The Penis)

The "powerhouse" of external pleasure is the penis head (also called the glans).

As you can see from the following pictures, this is the full process of a penis erection. When it is not aroused, the penis is tucked away and the foreskin covers the head. When you are aroused, the foreskin retracts, the penis erects, and the head becomes exposed.
A quick note on anatomy: Normally speaking, when one is erect, the head will come out. If the head does not come out and the foreskin does not retract, it may be a medical condition. This is called a "long foreskin" or redundant prepuce, where the foreskin fully covers the glans when the penis is flaccid and may extend beyond it even during erection. If you are worried, please consult a doctor — they've seen it all before, no embarrassment needed.
Biologically, the fun comes from stimulating the head, as it is packed with nerve endings — more than anywhere else on the penis. Technically speaking, as you go from the head down the shaft, the sensitivity decreases. That doesn't mean the shaft feels nothing — just less intense.

Some people also really enjoy having their balls (testicles) touched. Light touching, gentle tugging, or cupping can feel amazing. Others find it too sensitive. Again — your body, your rules.

Anyway, it's your body and your way to fun!

2.1.2 The Internal Landscape (Anal)

Now, just like for vulva owners, there is also internal pleasure for penis owners. But here's the thing—people sometimes think anal is only for one group or another. That's not totally true. But the reason why a lot of people don't talk about anal for vulva owners in the same way is that biologically, penis owners have a special little secret weapon inside them: the prostate. That doesn't mean vulva owners can't feel good from anal—they absolutely can, because of the internal clitoral bulbs and shared nerves—but the intense, prostate-specific pleasure is something else. [Remember to clean your anal before and after play]

So what is the prostate, and why can penis owners have fun with it?

The prostate is a small gland. It sits inside the body, below the bladder. And no—not only penis owners have one, but most penis owners do. (Fun fact: vulva owners have something similar called the Skene's glands, which are the same tissue. So everyone's got a little something going on.) The prostate helps make semen and has a ton of nerve endings. When touched from inside the rectum, it feels very good, and with the right stimulation, some liquid (prostate fluid) will come out. That fluid is part of what makes pleasure happen, but honestly, the pleasure comes from the nerve stimulation itself—the fluid is just a bonus.

Now, here's something cool. That prostate fluid mixes with sperm from the testicles when you ejaculate, but most of the liquid is not sperm. Only about 2–5% of ejaculate is actually sperm. The rest is mostly seminal vesicle fluid (about 65–70%) plus prostate fluid (about 25–30%) and other fluids.

So you can think of it like this: there are basically two kinds of fun release for a penis owner. One is the normal ejaculation with full semen. The other is releasing just prostate fluid during prostate play—no full ejaculation, just that clear or milky fluid coming out on its own. Both ways can be fun, just different.

Where is it located, and how do you reach it? The prostate is about 2 inches inside the rectum, toward the front wall (belly side). That's why stimulating anally can hit the prostate so well—you're reaching right through the rectal wall to tap that little gland.

Now, can you stimulate it another way? Technically, yes—you can insert something into the peehole (urethra). But here's the thing: that's what we really don't recommend you do. The peehole is very fragile, and messing around in there can cause urinary problems, infections, or scarring. So just don't. Seriously. No.

Stick to the safe route. And remember: everyone's body is different. Some vulva owners love anal for physical reasons. Some penis owners don't love prostate play. The goal is fun, not rules.

So go have fun—safely.

 

2.2 Beyond the Genitals: Erogenous Zones

Pleasure isn't a "genitals-only" event. Your body is covered in sensitive areas that help you "Get In The Mood" (GITM) before you even pick up a toy. You can try the neck, ears, and nipples—they are highly sensitive to light touch and temperature. Or the lower abdomen, waist, and inner thighs—they are often overlooked but can build immense anticipation. Or the secret one—the perineum. The small area between the penis and the anus is packed with nerve endings and responds beautifully to gentle vibration or pressure.

---

The GITM Key Takeaway: Internal pleasure is about precision, structure, and angle, while external pleasure is about sensation and rhythm. Start with what feels safe (external) and move inward only when your body signals it is ready and "tented." --Do Sex Toys Desensitize You? No!

Pillar 3: The Toy Logic — Finding Your Perfect Match

Choosing a first toy can feel like a guessing game. To make it simple, we use the External (quick fun) → Internal → Real life simulation theory. This helps you move from understanding surface sensations to exploring deeper internal structures.

3.1.1 External Stimulation: It’s All About Sensation and quick

Starting externally, you will have the fun very quick. Here you can see, external toys for penis owners fall into three main tech categories:

Beginner Picks

3.1.2 Internal Stimulation: It’s All About Structure, size and angle

Once you move to internal exploration, the quick fun matters less than the physical design of the toy. You aren't just looking for a feeling; you’re looking for a fit.

Advanced Picks

 

GITM Tip: Internal toys are about how they interact with your unique anatomy. Think about whether you prefer something firm for targeted pressure or something for whole coverage.

3.1.3 Real life simulation: The Best of All Worlds

Real life simulation Picks

 

So this one includes butt, half body, and full body (torso) structures. Depending on the manufacturers, there are a lot of holes you can use: vagina, peehole, anus, nipples, or maybe you can have a blowjob if you are thinking about a full body and the head is there.

 

3.2 The Buying Logic: Why the "Path" Matters

We recommend starting from the outside and working your way in. You'll see why after reading the following:

Start with external. Two reasons:

1. Quick. External stimulation focuses on the penis head (glans) — you can have fun after maybe a few minutes of stroking or even just a few movements!
2. Safe. Everything without going inside your body is low-risk and easy to control.

Then try to explore internal. Once you're ready — or you've had enough fun from external stimulation — that's the time to try something new. For penis owners, that special internal fun is often prostate stimulation via the anus. But here's the thing: unlike the vagina, the anus itself does not produce natural lubricant. So you will need to use a lot of lubricant — apply it both on the toy and on the anus. Go slow. Like, really slow.

Now, a quick heads-up: the anus is not designed for penetration the way the vagina is. It's more fragile, with thinner tissue. That doesn't mean it's "not for fun" — plenty of people of all genders enjoy anal stimulation safely. But biologically, it does require more care. That's why we don't recommend beginners jump straight into anal play without doing their homework first. Take it easy, be careful, listen to your body, and stop if anything hurts.

The final thing: Real-life simulation. This one is very important. Once you've had your quick fun, you may want to know what the "real fight" feels like (if you're practicing for yourself), or you want to practice and surprise your partner (lucky them). Unlike basic strokers or masturbation sleeves, using something that simulates real penetration — like a fleshlight-style toy or a hip toy — can really help you know and control your body better.

You'll learn, ①how to control your movement, speed, stimulation depth, and positions, these 5 factors also play a huge role in training stamina; ②Where your partner's happy spots might be (everyone is different), and how to reach each one。

Plus, you can train stamina — which is a very important thing to know before the real fight. It builds confidence, improves your performance, and makes your partner happier. You don't have to tell your partner you're doing the training. And neither will we. :)

3.3 The "Size & Level" Guide

Size: we need to look at three sizes: penis (length and circumference), anus (depth and how large it can expand), and peehole (depth and how large it can expand).
Penis: length is approximately 5.1 to 5.5 inches (13–14 cm), with an average circumference of about 4.5 to 4.8 inches (11.5–12 cm).
Anus (rectum): The average anal canal depth is about 1 to 2 inches (3–5 cm) before reaching the rectum, which can typically expand to accommodate objects up to around 2 to 2.5 inches (5–6.5 cm) in diameter with gradual stretching. (Note: The rectum continues about 6–8 inches (15–20 cm) to the sigmoid colon, but expansion capacity varies greatly by individual.)
Peehole (urethral meatus): The average adult penis owner urethral opening can stretch to about 0.3 to 0.4 inches (8–11 mm) in diameter, with the urethra itself being approximately 6 to 8 inches (15–20 cm) in length from the meatus to the bladder.

But remember, every size is normal! Unless a doctor say no.

 

3.4 Intensity and Frequency: Finding Your Rhythm

Think of your first few sessions like learning to drive—you don’t start by slamming on the gas. You want a steady, controlled build-up that matches how your body is feeling in the moment.

3.4.1 Intensity: How to Choose
Intensity is the raw power of the toy. The rule is : Start Low.
You need to avoid Overstimulation: because starting at the highest setting can sometimes "shock" the nerves, making it harder to feel pleasure later. Match Your Arousal: make sure you are fully erected (as hard as you can get) before you start, otherwise, you may get hurt.

• Pro Tip You can actually increase the intensity without changing the settings. By moving the toy in circles or changing the pressure (friction), you can build pleasure while staying in total control.

3.4.2 Frequency: Why Patterns Matter

Frequency refers to the rhythm—the pulses, the waves, and the steady hums. For beginners (and even pros!), continuous vibration is usually the most effective way to reach an ejaculation. It provides a predictable "anchor" for your body to respond to. Keep it Simple: When you’re just starting, having 20 different patterns can be overwhelming. Stick to one or two steady modes until you understand exactly how your body reacts to the rhythm.

The "Pleasure Pattern" Checklist

When you get a new toy, if you don't want to read the instructions, you want to dive in immediately—no problems—remember these three GITM essentials:

Long Press: Usually turns the toy on/off (industry standard!).
Short Press: Usually cycles through the speeds and rhythms.
Listen to Your Body: If a setting feels "too much," go back down. There is no "right" speed—only the speed that feels right for you right now.

 

Pillar 4 — Materials, Cleaning & Care

Think of this pillar as your "Health & Safety Playbook." Choosing a toy isn't just about what feels good in the moment; it’s about hygiene, durability, and long-term bodily safety. In this chapter, we cut through the marketing fluff to show you what materials are actually body-safe, how to choose a lubricant that won't ruin your toys, and the medical "must-knows" for post-play cleanup.

4.1 Materials: Beyond the Aesthetic
Material safety is not a luxury—it is the foundation of your well-being. When a toy is non-porous, it means it doesn't have tiny microscopic holes where bacteria can hide. Choosing the right material ensures your "me time" stays healthy and your toys last for years.

We don't want to overwhelm you with words, and we know you may be frustrated reading all the words—please see the tables for a clearer view! :)
-How Often Should You Replace a Sex Toy? Signs It's Time for a New One

Recommended Materials

 

Materials to Avoid

 

4.2 Lubrication: The Secret to Smooth Play

Lubricant is the unsung hero of pleasure. It reduces friction, prevents micro-tears, and makes every sensation feel more "real." However, not every lube is a match for every toy. Use this guide to avoid damaging your collection.
-Lubricant Explained: Types, Safety, How Much to Use, and What Works With Your Sex Toys

Lubricant Type	Medical Recommendation	Key Benefits	Risks / When to Avoid	Compatible Toy Materials
Water-based	✅ Most recommended	Versatile, condom-safe, toy-safe, easy to clean, low irritation risk	Dries faster → may require reapplication	✓Silicone ✓ABS plastic ✓Glass ✓Stainless steel  ✓Rubber/TPR
Silicone-based	✅ Recommended for long-lasting glide	Extremely durable, does not dry quickly, ideal when friction must be minimized	❌ Should not be used with silicone toys because it can degrade the material	✓Glass ✓Metal ✓Hard plastic ✖Silicone toys
Hybrid (water + silicone)	⚠️ Conditional recommendation	Combines longevity with easier cleanup	May still damage silicone toys depending on formula → always patch test	✓Glass ✓Metal ✓Plastic ✖Test on silicone first
Oil-based	❌ Generally not recommended for most beginners	Very long-lasting, moisturizing	Can degrade latex condoms and may increase infection risk in vaginal use	✓Glass ✓Metal  ✓Some plastics ✖Latex ✖Many silicone toys

4.3 Cleaning & Aftercare: The Reset

Aftercare for the Penis

The principles of post-sex care for the penis are simple and consistent: gentle cleaning, thorough drying, and careful attention if uncircumcised.

Medical Note: Harsh soaps, scented products, and vigorous scrubbing can irritate the sensitive skin of the penis. If irritation, redness, or discharge occurs, consult a healthcare provider.

Anal & Rectal Aftercare

Post-anal play hygiene focuses on external care for the anus. Internal rectal douching is generally not recommended by medical professionals due to potential risks.

Medical Note: The internal rectum, like the vagina, has a delicate mucosal lining. Most doctors advise against internal rectal douching or enemas as they can damage the tissue, disrupt the natural balance, and potentially increase the risk of infection, including STIs. For internal cleanliness before anal play, maintaining a high-fiber diet is the safest and most effective method for most people

Cleaning the Sex toy
For stokers and masturbation sleeves, you have to use water to wash it until you clean out all the liquid, whether you wear a condom or go in raw, until you feel unsticky inside.

Cleaning Different Sex Toy Materials

Material	How to Clean	Difficulty	How to Store
Medical-grade Silicone	Warm water + mild soap; some can be boiled	★★	Dry fully, store alone
Borosilicate / Tempered Glass	Soap + warm water or boil	★	Store in padded pouch
Stainless Steel	Soap + water; can boil	★	Keep dry
ABS Hard Plastic	Soap + water (do NOT boil)	★	Cool, dry place
TPE / TPR	Wash carefully with soap + water	★★★	Store separately (can hold bacteria)
Jelly / PVC	Hard to fully clean	★★★	Avoid long-term use
Latex / Rubber blends	Gentle wash only	★★★	Keep away from heat
Cyberskin / Real-feel	Warm water, air dry well	★★★	Dust with renewal powder if provided

 

The GITM Key Principles:

• Non-porous is safer: Always prioritize Silicone, Glass, or Steel.
• Body First: Wash the outside, leave the inside alone.
• Storage Matters: Don't let your silicone toys touch each other in storage—they can actually "melt" together over time! Store them in individual pouches.

The Ending: Your Journey Continues

As you move forward, remember that your body's response is unique and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel. Self-exploration is a practice, not a race.

Be patient with yourself, stay curious, and give yourself permission to enjoy the sensations your body is capable of. We hope this guide has empowered you to embrace your body with confidence and joy. :)

Enjoy your toys, and most importantly, enjoy your body. Just remember: GITMPLAYBOOK, GUIDE YOU THROUGH!