Can You Get Rid of a Fetish? What Science Actually Says

Maybe you have a fetish you love. Maybe you have one you're embarrassed about. Or maybe you're perfectly fine with it in fantasy, but you're worried because it seems to be taking over your sex life.

That leads to a very common question: can you get rid of a fetish?

The honest answer is a little less dramatic than the internet usually makes it. There is no reliable, scientifically established way to permanently erase a fetish. But it is also too strong to say that sexual interests can never change.

For some people, a fetish stays important for years. For others, the intensity changes, new turn-ons get added, or the fetish becomes something they can enjoy without needing it every time.

And sometimes the thing people actually want to get rid of isn't the fetish. It's the shame, the compulsive behavior, or the fact that they feel they can't have satisfying sex without it. Those are different problems.
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First: What Exactly Is a Fetish?

In everyday language, a fetish usually means a strong sexual interest in a particular object, material, or non-genital body part. Think feet, shoes, stockings, leather, latex, underwear, or something much more specific that would never occur to most people.

And no, a fetish doesn't necessarily mean "I literally cannot get aroused without this." Someone can be strongly turned on by a fetish and still enjoy plenty of other kinds of sex.

Clinically, fetishistic disorder is a much narrower concept. It involves recurrent and intense sexual arousal focused on an inanimate object or specific non-genital body part and clinically significant distress or impairment. Merely having an unusual sexual interest does not automatically make it a disorder. That's an important distinction.
-Kink vs. Fetish: What’s the Difference? Definitions, Examples & Explained

Is Having a Fetish Actually Abnormal?

"Unusual" and "wrong" are not the same thing. Research in general-population samples suggests that atypical sexual interests are considerably more common than the word weird might make you think. In one representative Quebec survey of 1,040 adults, nearly half reported interest in at least one paraphilic category, and about one-third reported having tried at least one such practice. Fetishism was among the interests reported at meaningful levels in the sample.

Another large Czech study of more than 10,000 adults found that a substantial minority reported at least one atypical sexual preference, although prevalence varied considerably by the specific interest and by whether researchers asked about preference, fantasy, arousal, or actual behavior.

So no, you are probably not the only person with an unusual turn-on. But prevalence isn't the same as normality for every individual circumstance. The useful question is still: is this consensual, safe, and working for you?

How Do Fetishes Develop?

This is where you should be suspicious of anyone who gives you one neat explanation. There isn't a single proven cause.

Researchers have proposed several possibilities, including learning and conditioning, emotional associations, early experiences, fantasy, exposure, and individual differences in sexual development. But the human evidence is much less tidy than the popular stories suggest. One review concluded that sexual conditioning may play a role, but the evidence in humans has methodological limitations.

A recent systematic review of theories about the development of atypical sexual interests likewise found several proposed mechanisms, including conditioning, social learning, and emotional processes, but judged the overall theoretical evidence to be limited.

So the answer isn't "your fetish definitely started when you were a child." And it isn't "porn definitely gave you the fetish." Neither claim is established as a universal explanation.

Can Porn Create a Fetish?

This gets asked constantly. The honest answer is that we don't have good evidence that porn alone creates a specific fetish in everyone who develops one.

Sexual arousal is capable of learning associations, and repeated pairing of particular cues with sexual reward may influence what becomes sexually exciting. Human experiments do show that sexual responses can be conditioned, although researchers also emphasize that the evidence base is limited.

Porn may reinforce an existing interest or give someone a new language for a fantasy they already had. It can also make a particular stimulus more familiar and easier to access. But that's different from proving "I watched X, therefore X caused my fetish." Sexual development is rarely that simple.
-Will watching porn hurt you body?

So Can You Actually Get Rid of One?

Here's the frustrating part: there is no well-established treatment that reliably removes a consensual fetish.

Clinical sources note that treatment research for fetishistic disorder is limited, and there are no randomized trials establishing a specific treatment for fetishistic disorder. Psychotherapy and, in some cases, medication have been used when the person is experiencing significant problems, but the evidence is limited.

So when someone promises "I can permanently cure your fetish," be skeptical. That's a much stronger claim than the science can support.

But What If You Don't Want to Stop Having It Completely?

This is where things get much more interesting. :)
Maybe your actual goal is: "I don't want this to be my only way of getting turned on." That's a different and much more realistic goal.

You may be able to work on sexual flexibility rather than trying to delete one particular interest. For example, suppose someone becomes highly dependent on a specific fetish during masturbation. They might gradually experiment with other forms of stimulation, fantasies, contexts, and partner-based sexual experiences.

The aim isn't "never think about the fetish again." It's "my sexual world is bigger than one thing." There is research suggesting that human sexual arousal can be influenced by learning and conditioning, although exactly how predictable or changeable those processes are remains unclear.

Can the Intensity of a Fetish Change?

Yes, at least in the ordinary sense that sexual interests can fluctuate. People's fantasies can become stronger or weaker. Something that once dominated their sexual imagination may become just one interest among several. A fetish may also become less important when someone discovers new partners, new sexual experiences, or different ways of experiencing pleasure.

That doesn't prove the fetish has been "cured." It may simply mean its role has changed. And honestly, that may be exactly what someone wants.

What If You Can Only Orgasm With the Fetish?

If you can enjoy partnered sex, oral sex, masturbation, intimacy, and other sexual experiences but happen to like your fetish too, there's not necessarily a problem. But if you genuinely feel "without this, I cannot become aroused" or "I cannot orgasm with my partner unless I'm thinking about it," then it's reasonable to work on broadening your sexual response.

Start gently. You don't have to ban the fetish. You can experiment with masturbation or partnered sex where you focus on other sensations and allow arousal to build without immediately returning to the familiar fantasy. That isn't a proven "deconditioning protocol." It's simply a way to explore whether your sexual repertoire is broader than you thought.

What If the Fetish Is Taking Over Your Porn Use?

This is another place where the problem may be compulsivity, not the fetish itself.

Suppose you start searching for the fetish every time you're bored, stressed, lonely, or anxious. Then you keep escalating your browsing because you want something new. Eventually, you're spending hours online and feeling miserable afterward. At that point, it makes sense to look at the behavior around the fetish.

A 2024 sexual-medicine review similarly emphasizes the importance of distinguishing problematic compulsive sexual behavior from the sexual interest itself and avoiding automatic pathologization of consensual sexual behavior. The fetish isn't necessarily the thing that needs treating. The pattern might be.

What If the Fetish Is Ruining Your Relationship?

Maybe your partner is willing to participate—but only occasionally. Maybe you need the fetish every time. Maybe your partner feels like they're competing with an object, fantasy, or scenario. Maybe you're hiding your interests because you're terrified of being judged.

None of these situations automatically means the fetish is bad. They mean the relationship around the fetish needs attention. A sex therapist can help a couple separate "I have this fantasy" from "my partner must perform this fantasy every time we have sex." Those are very different statements.

What If I'm Ashamed of the Fetish?

This is probably one of the biggest reasons people search for "how to get rid of my fetish."

They discover what turns them on and immediately think "what is wrong with me?" Before trying to eliminate anything, ask yourself a few uncomfortable but useful questions. Is anyone being harmed? Does everyone involved consent? Is this causing actual impairment? Or do I mainly hate myself for having the desire?

Those questions matter because the DSM-5 explicitly distinguishes atypical sexual interests from paraphilic disorders. Personal distress caused purely by social disapproval is not supposed to be treated as enough, by itself, to turn an atypical interest into a mental disorder. AASECT likewise states that consensual atypical sexual expression should not automatically be pathologized.

In other words: you don't need to become "normal" just because your turn-on isn't somebody else's turn-on.

Does Accepting the Fetish Mean You Have to Act on It?

Absolutely not. This is another misconception. You can acknowledge "this turns me on" without deciding "therefore I need to do it." Fantasy and behavior are different. You can also have a fetish without involving another person at all. And when another person is involved, their consent matters just as much as yours.

What If the Fetish Involves Something Harmful?

If an interest involves non-consenting people, minors, serious injury, or a realistic risk of harm, don't treat it as just another quirky bedroom preference. That is the point where professional help becomes particularly important.

ICD-11 separates paraphilic disorders involving non-consenting individuals from paraphilic interests or behaviors involving consenting adults, and the clinical framework places major weight on harm, consent, distress, and impairment. A qualified mental-health or sexual-health professional can help someone manage unwanted urges and reduce risk without relying on shame as a treatment strategy.

Can Therapy Help?

Yes—but let's be precise about what therapy can help with.

A good therapist may help you understand the role the fetish plays in your sexuality, reduce shame and anxiety, work through relationship conflicts, reduce compulsive behavior, broaden your sexual repertoire, manage urges that you don't want to act on, and separate fantasy from behavior.

That doesn't necessarily mean the therapist can erase the fetish. And there isn't strong evidence that a therapist can simply switch a consensual fetish off. The current clinical literature on fetishistic disorder is too limited to make that promise.

How Do You Find the Right Therapist?

Don't start with someone whose entire pitch is "I'll make you normal."

Instead, look for a qualified therapist who is experienced with sexual health, sexual behavior, and kink or atypical sexual interests. AASECT's professional certification system includes training in sexual diversity and diverse sexual expression, including BDSM, as well as sexual-health ethics and anatomy.

You can ask a therapist directly: "Are you comfortable working with consensual kinks and fetishes?" You don't need to reveal your entire private life during the first sentence of the appointment. Their response will tell you quite a lot.

What If You Simply Want the Fetish to Be Less Important?

This is probably the most realistic goal for many people. Think of sexuality as a menu, not a single dish. You don't have to throw one thing away to discover five other things you enjoy. Experiment with different fantasies, different kinds of touch, different partners or relationship contexts where appropriate, different types of masturbation, different sexual activities, and different ways of building arousal.
Over time, the fetish may still be there—but it may no longer feel like it owns the entire menu.

A Small Experiment You Can Try

Suppose you normally masturbate with one particular fetish every time. For a while, try changing just one variable.

Maybe start with ordinary sensual touch before introducing the fetish. Maybe masturbate occasionally without porn. Maybe explore a different fantasy first. Maybe spend more time on bodily sensations instead of chasing the fastest route to orgasm.

You're not trying to prove you can live without the fetish. You're asking a much more interesting question: "What else can turn me on?" And there is no need to make the experiment all-or-nothing.

The Biggest Mistake: Fighting Your Own Brain

Trying to force yourself to feel disgust toward a consensual sexual interest isn't a scientifically established way to erase it. And if the main problem is shame, making yourself feel even more ashamed probably doesn't solve the underlying problem.

A therapist can help you figure out whether you actually want less fetish involvement, or whether you mainly want less fear and shame about having it. Those are very different goals.

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GITMPLAYBOOK Advice

If you're wrestling with a fetish, start by asking what you actually want to change. Is it the fetish itself? The shame around it? The compulsive pattern? The impact on your relationship? Those are different problems, and they need different solutions.

Don't rush to erase a part of yourself just because it feels unusual. Unusual isn't broken. And if you do want help, look for a therapist who gets it—someone who won't try to "fix" you into someone else's version of normal. You deserve support, not judgment.

We've built two playbooks to help you understand your body and discover where to start your self-intimacy journey:
-GITMPLAYBOOK: Best Sex Toys for Vulva Owners: Beginner Buying Guide
-GITMPLAYBOOK: Penis Stimulation for Beginners: Guide to Solo Pleasure
GITMPLAYBOOK, GUIDE YOU THROUGH.

Disclaimer: This article is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. If you are experiencing distress related to your sexual interests or relationship concerns, please consult a qualified mental health professional or sex therapist.

References

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR). 2022.
World Health Organization. ICD-11 classification of paraphilic disorders.
AASECT. Position statements on consensual sexual expression and ethical practice.
Archives of Sexual Behavior. Quebec survey of 1,040 adults on paraphilic interests.
Journal of Sex Research. Czech study of more than 10,000 adults on atypical sexual preferences.
Current Sexual Health Reports. Systematic review of theories on atypical sexual interest development.
Sexual Medicine Reviews (2024). Review on compulsive sexual behavior and pathologization.
Research on sexual conditioning and arousal in human participants.