How to Introduce Sex Toys to Your Relationship (Without Making It Awkward)
If you are worried about bringing sex toys into your relationship, you are not alone. Many people fear their partner will think they are not good enough, that they are being replaced, or that the relationship is lacking something. In reality, sex toys are not replacements for partners. They are tools that can add variety, increase pleasure, and help couples learn more about what feels good. The key is not what you say — it is how you say it. When introduced as something you want to explore together, sex toys often become a shared experience rather than a source of insecurity.
What Most Couples Get Wrong About Sex Toys
One of the biggest misconceptions is that suggesting a sex toy means your partner is failing. This assumption creates anxiety before the conversation even starts. In healthy relationships, introducing a sex toy is not usually about fixing a problem — it is often about exploring together, trying something new, adding variety, or learning more about each other's preferences. A couple can have a great relationship and still enjoy incorporating sex toys. The two ideas are not mutually exclusive.
Why People Feel Nervous About Bringing Up Sex Toys
Many people worry that their partner might interpret the conversation as criticism, dissatisfaction, comparison, or rejection. Others worry about feeling embarrassed or judged. These fears are common because discussions about intimacy often feel more vulnerable than other relationship conversations. The good news is that most awkwardness comes from assumptions, not the conversation itself. Research shows that a lot of people are already using sex toys during sex. A 2022 survey found that around 46 percent of men in the U.S. said they owned at least one anal toy, while 41 percent said they owned at least one vibrator. Another study found that 46 percent of men and 55.4 percent of women reported ever having used a sex toy during partnered sex. You are not alone in this curiosity.
How to Start the Conversation Without Making It Awkward
Do not bring it up during intimacy. One of the most common mistakes is introducing the topic in the middle of an intimate moment. Your partner may feel surprised, defensive, or pressured. Instead, choose a relaxed moment when neither of you feels rushed. As sex educator Eleanor Hadley explains, "If you would like to start using sex toys during partnered sex, it is always really helpful to start that conversation before sex, and this can be really organic".
Focus on exploration, not problems. Instead of saying "I think we need a toy," try "I have been curious about trying something new together." This small change shifts the conversation from problem-solving to exploration. People are generally more open when they do not feel criticized. Licensed marriage and sex therapist Kat Van Kirk Ph.D. notes that putting a sex toy on the table can help you and your partner explore different types of pleasure.
Use "we" more than "you." Notice the difference: "You do not do enough" versus "I would love for us to try something together." The second approach emphasizes partnership. This helps reduce feelings of blame or inadequacy.
Be honest about your curiosity. You do not need a perfect speech. Something simple often works best: "I have been reading about couples using sex toys together, and it sounds interesting. What do you think?" Honesty is usually more effective than trying to deliver the perfect line. Sex counselor Aleece Fosnight recommends framing it as an idea you encountered in an article or online talk.
Be clear about why and how. If your partner is consistently reaching climax while you are not, it is important to be honest. As Eleanor Hadley explains, "Assure your partner that you enjoy sex with them and the pleasure and intimacy that it provides, but that a sex toy is helpful for you to experience an orgasm". Discuss specifics like how, where, or why you want to use a sex toy. Would it be just for you? Or for both of you? Who will be holding it? Is it only for foreplay?
Common Fears Your Partner May Have
"Am I being replaced?" This is one of the most common concerns. A useful way to frame it is that a toy is a tool, not a relationship. People do not use sex toys because their partner is failing — they use them because different forms of stimulation create different experiences.
"Does this mean you are unhappy?" Not necessarily. Many couples with satisfying relationships use sex toys. Adding something new does not automatically mean something was missing before. Research consistently shows that sex toy ownership and use are significantly associated with higher sexual and life satisfaction.
"What if I am not comfortable with it?" That is okay too. Introducing the conversation should never involve pressure. Healthy exploration happens when both partners feel comfortable expressing their thoughts honestly.
What the Research Actually Says
The science is clear: using sex toys in partnered relationships is linked to positive outcomes. A 2025 study of women aged 18-35 found that those using sex devices during partnered intercourse had higher arousal, higher sexual satisfaction, and a higher subjective perception of orgasmic intensity compared to those who only used them alone. The study concluded that the use of sex devices in partnered intercourse is associated with increased sexual function and more intense orgasmic experiences. Another large cross-country study of nearly 12,000 respondents found that sex toy ownership and use were significantly associated with higher sexual and life satisfaction. A Canadian study of nearly 2,000 participants found that sex toy users reported higher sexual satisfaction and lower erotophobia in both solo and partnered contexts. This is not about replacing intimacy — it is about enhancing it.
Best First Sex Toys for Couples
If you are both interested, beginners often have the most success with simple products. Small external vibrators are easy to understand and generally less intimidating. Bullet vibrators are compact, beginner-friendly, and versatile. Wearable vibrators are designed to complement intimacy rather than replace it. Massage wands are useful for broader stimulation and relaxation. Starting simple is often better than jumping into complicated multi-function devices.
Questions Couples Should Ask Before Buying a Toy
What are we hoping to experience? Exploration? Variety? Curiosity? Knowing the goal helps narrow options. Do we want something simple or advanced? Beginners usually benefit from fewer functions rather than more. Are we both comfortable with the idea? Mutual enthusiasm often creates a better experience than trying to convince someone.
Signs the Conversation Is Going Well
You are both asking questions. You are curious rather than defensive. The conversation feels collaborative. You can laugh and be honest. You do not feel pressured to decide immediately. These are all positive signs. As sexologist Carol Queen notes, talking about sexual preferences takes a level of vulnerability, but even those who do not feel able to broach toys early on can raise the topic later once they have started having more open conversations about their sexual wants and needs.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Will suggesting a sex toy hurt my partner's feelings?
Not necessarily. The way the conversation is framed often matters more than the toy itself.
Q: What is the best way to bring up sex toys?
Choose a relaxed moment and focus on curiosity and exploration rather than problems.
Q: Are sex toys replacing intimacy?
No. Most couples use them as additions to their relationship, not replacements.
Q: What if my partner says no?
Respect their feelings and continue the conversation without pressure. Comfort and communication are more important than any product.
Q: Should couples shop for a toy together?
Many people find that shopping together makes the experience feel more collaborative and less intimidating.
What This Means for Beginners
At GITMPLAYBOOK, the belief is that the biggest challenge is not choosing a sex toy — it is often navigating the emotions that come before the purchase. Many people assume the conversation will be awkward. In reality, most successful conversations happen when partners approach the topic with curiosity, honesty, and a willingness to learn together. The goal is not convincing your partner to use a toy. The goal is creating an environment where both of you feel comfortable discussing what brings pleasure, connection, and intimacy.
If you're new to sex toys, check out the playbook we built for you:
-GITMPLAYBOOK: Best Sex Toys for Vulva Owners: Beginner Buying Guide
-GITMPLAYBOOK: Penis Stimulation for Beginners: Guide to Solo Pleasure
Key Takeaways
Bringing up sex toys is a common relationship conversation. Most awkwardness comes from assumptions rather than the toy itself. Focus on exploration instead of problems. Use collaborative language like "we" and "together." Choose a relaxed moment outside of intimacy. Start with beginner-friendly products. Respect your partner's comfort level and opinions.
GITMPLAYBOOK, GUIDE YOU THROUGH.
Disclaimer: This article is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute medical or relationship advice. Every relationship is unique. If you are experiencing significant distress or conflict in your relationship, please consult a qualified therapist or relationship counselor.
References
- Hald GM, Pavan S, Øverup CS. Do Sex Toys Make Me Satisfied? The Use of Sex Toys in Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, France, and the UK. J Sex Res. 2024.
- Sansone A, Mollaioli D, Colonnello E, et al. Toys in the bedroom: use of sexual devices in partnered sexual activity is associated with higher female orgasmic intensity, arousal, and sexual satisfaction and is not related to psychopathologies. J Sex Med. 2025;22(3):397-403.
- Williams ME, Lafortune D, Canivet C, Dussault É. Sex Toy Use in Québec (Canada): Prevalence Across Demographics, Motivations, and Links with Erotophobia and Sexual Satisfaction. J Sex Marital Ther. 2025;51(3):283-297.
- Hims. How to Introduce Sex Toys Into the Bedroom. 2025.
- Vice. How to Use Sex Toys as a Couple Without Making it Weird. 2022.
- Mashable. How to introduce sex toys into your relationship. 2023.