The GITM Playbook: Your Expert-Led Roadmap to Body Literacy and Total Confidence

Hi everyone!

Welcome to the GITM Playbook. We’ve been in the sex toy world for over 20 years, and after talking to our community and working with experts, we’ve realized the biggest thing stopping beginners from enjoying themselves isn't the toys—it’s the stuff that happens before you even pick one up.

To bridge that gap, we teamed up with two incredible experts: Suzanne Noble, sex educator and host of Sex Advice for Seniors, and Venus O’Hara, renowned pleasure educator and author. Together, we’ve broken everything down into four simple pillars: Mentality, Body Literacy, Toy Logic and finally Aftercare to keep both your body and your toys safe and healthy. (Wellness is the first thing!)

We built this guide to give you the real "buying logic" you need to skip the confusion and just have fun. It's time to explore your body on your own terms

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Pillar 1: Mindset & Expectations — Clearing the Path

This is a vital first step. Before we even talk about toys or anatomy, we have to talk about what’s happening between your ears. As Suzanne Noble—sex educator and host of Sex Advice for Seniors—explains in our Pillar 1 video, your mindset is the foundation for everything else.

Many of us were brought up in cultures or households where self-pleasure was a "hush-hush" topic, often wrapped in layers of shame or guilt. If you feel awkward starting this journey, that is a perfectly normal human reaction.

Here are the few topics covered, we distilled them for you!

1. "Am I Normal?" 
   Whether you are 18 or 80, the answer is always yes. There is no expiration date, there is no "right time" to start exploring your body. Curiosity doesn't have an age limit. And this is your journey, so, your pace: some people discover pleasure early (like Suzanne’s "shower hose" discovery at age 10), and some don't explore until much later in life. You aren't "behind," and you aren't "broken."
   
   
2. Overcoming the "Shame Barrier"
   Shame is a learned emotion, not a natural one. It acts like a "mental brake" that can physically inhibit pleasure. If negative thoughts pop up, acknowledge them, but don’t let them drive. Besides, beyond just "feeling good," exploration releases hormones that reduce stress and help you sleep. It’s a form of self-care for your brain as much as your body! Chase away the shame, get the slay.
   
   
3. The "Mental Setup" Mind Map
   Before you reach for a toy, use this GITM Mindset Checklist to set the scene to make you comfortable and relax, to make sure you have the right fun:
   Set the Environment: soft lighting, music, or a warm bath, or anything that makes you feel relaxed; Set the Expectation: "pleasure" or "exploration"? (Choose pleasure!), Give yourself permission! Have I given myself permission to enjoy this moment? (The answer is always YESSS).
   
   
4. What if I don't like it?
   That is a completely valid result! Disliking a sensation isn't a failure—it’s meaningful feedback. It helps you learn what your "no" looks like, which is just as important as finding your "yes." Exploration is about determining what you do and don't like, with zero requirements to perform. If you like it, you keep it; don't like it? Leave it (Tell it, who are you? I am the master of my own body!). No pressure.

[Watch Suzanne’s full video below for a deeper dive into moving past shame and setting realistic expectations for your first time.]

Pillar 2 — Body & Sensation Literacy

This chapter is really important. Some of you might have learned about your body's anatomy back in high school biology class; others might not have. And some of you may feel uncomfortable truly looking at it—but you need to know it. You need to understand what you're working with. As the saying goes: fear or ignorance is the real enemy. Once you learn it and face it, you'll know how to enjoy yourself correctly and safely, whether you're alone or with a partner (and you know what we mean). So let's take a closer look.

 

2.1 Body Structure & Mapping

Think of this as your personal pleasure map. Sensations originate in different places and respond to different types of touch.

2.1.1 The External Landscape (The Vulva)

The "powerhouse" of external pleasure is the clitoris. It is located at the top of the vulva, protected by a clitoral hood. When you aren't aroused, it’s tucked away. During arousal, blood flow causes it to swell and emerge—this is your body’s physical "go" signal.

• The Fact: Clitorises come in all sizes, and every single one is perfect (Some of them you can see clearly, like a bean; some of them may be the size of a small piece of rice. It is normal.). Stimulating this area is the most effective way to reach orgasm for 70-80% of vulva owners.

 

2.1.2 The Internal Landscape (The Vagina and anal)

The vagina is an amazing, elastic canal that actually expands and lengthens — a process called "tenting" — when you are aroused. There are 3 fun spots where you can find extreme fun by stimulating with the right angle.

Let's start with the one that is easy to find and the most popular: the G-spot. It is located about 2–3 inches inside on the front wall (the side toward your belly button). It has a slightly textured or ridged feel (different from the surrounding tissue) and responds best to a "come-hither" pressure or a curved toy.

The second one is deeper — the A-spot (anterior fornix erogenous zone). It is located past the G-spot, at the far end of the front wall, just before the cervix. Some people find it linked to deeper, more intense arousal.

The third one is the cervix itself. It is the lower entrance to the uterus, and its position changes throughout your cycle — sometimes higher, sometimes lower. For some people, stimulating the cervix feels amazing. For others, it can be uncomfortable or even painful, especially if hit too hard. So go easy.

Now, here's the thing: the A-spot and cervix can be harder to find, and some people don't get fun from stimulating these two areas — they are way too deep and may lead to discomfort or hurt. Everyone's different.

Usually, stimulating the G-spot and the area from the G-spot to the A-spot is how vaginal sex delivers pleasure for many people. That is why G-spot toys — or the real thing (a penis) — often have an upward bending angle to reach those front-wall spots effectively. So yeah, that curve isn't just for looks. :)

Anal stimulation is also considered internal stimulation. Unlike penis owners, vulva owners still have prostate-like tissue called the Skene's glands (sometimes called the "female prostate"). You can still get pleasure by stimulating them, but it's not the same direct pleasure a penis owner gets — it's more indirect. Scientifically: Penis owners have a dedicated, highly sensitive internal pleasure organ (the prostate) that is most easily accessed anally. Vulva owners do not have this direct anatomical equivalent. However, that doesn't mean anal is pointless for vulva owners. Physically: Anal penetration can indirectly stimulate the deeper parts of the clitoral network (the internal crura and bulbs that wrap around the vagina and rectum). That can create intense, whole-body pleasure — just through a different route. Mentally: For some people, the feeling of being "filled" in every hole brings happiness and satisfaction, even if the physical pleasure isn't as direct. And that mental turn-on is still 100% valid pleasure. [Remember to clean your anal before and after play]

So no, vulva owners don't have a prostate bullet train to pleasure the way penis owners do. But there are still plenty of scenic routes.

One more thing we need to say is the peehole (urethra) , it is anatomically not designed for any kind of pleasure. It is a narrow, fragile tube meant only for urine to pass out of the body. The tissue inside tears easily, and inserting anything — even something small — can cause serious problems such as Pain and bleeding, Urinary tract infections and etc...
So no, we do not recommend you put anything in your peehole. Not fingers, not toys, not anything. Just don't.
If you're curious about sounding (the practice of inserting small, sterile metal rods into the urethra), that is an advanced kink that requires medical-grade equipment, sterile technique, and a deep understanding of the risks. But for a beginner guide like this? Hard no. Keep your fun where it belongs — outside the peehole.

[Watch the animations in the video above to see how these structures change during arousal!]

 

2.2 Physiological Reactions: What’s Happening?

Well, in case you might not notice, there are a lot of fun things that happen when you get sexually aroused and have fun.

Your brain releases dopamine (the "happy hormone"), which helps you feel excited and pleasure. As arousal increases, blood flow to the genitals increases. That makes the clitoris become engorged (more exposed and sensitive), and your vagina releases natural lubricant — a signal that you're ready for comfortable penetration or other kinds of stimulation.

With enough stimulation to the clitoris, the vagina, or both, you may reach an orgasm (or not — both are totally normal). During that orgasm, some vulva owners get rhythmic contractions in the pelvic floor, lower body, or even the whole body, and those contractions can last from seconds to about a minute. (Yeah — that's some extreme fun right there.) Some people may also ejaculate fluid — often called "squirting" — which is a mix of fluid from the Skene's glands and, in some cases, diluted urine from the bladder. Research is still figuring that one out, though.

After everything settles, your body gradually goes back to its unaroused state. That's called resolution. But hey — nothing wrong with going for another round.

[Orgasm vs Squirt]- More to read

 

2.3 Beyond the Genitals: Erogenous Zones

Pleasure isn't a "genitals-only" event. Your body is covered in sensitive areas that help you "Get In The Mood" (GITM) before you even pick up a toy. You can try the neck, ears, and nipples—they are highly sensitive to light touch and temperature. Or the lower abdomen, waist, and inner thighs—they are often overlooked but can build immense anticipation. Or the secret one—the perineum (Pro tip from Venus). The small area between the penis and the anus is packed with nerve endings and responds beautifully to gentle vibration or pressure.

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The GITM Key Takeaway: Internal pleasure is about precision, structure, and angle, while external pleasure is about sensation and rhythm. Start with what feels safe (external) and move inward only when your body signals it is ready and "tented."

Pillar 3: The Toy Logic — Finding Your Perfect Match

Choosing a first toy can feel like a guessing game. To make it simple, we use the External → Internal → Multiple theory. This helps you move from understanding surface sensations to exploring deeper internal structures.

3.1.1 External Stimulation: It’s All About Sensation

When starting externally, the most important thing is the type of sensation you prefer. Based on Venus O’Hara’s guide, external toys fall into three main tech categories:

Category	How It Works	The "Vibe"	Best For...	Example
Air-Pulse (Suction)	Pulsating airwaves (no-contact).	Targeted, rhythmic, and builds gradually.	Beginners who want focused pleasure without intense physical pressure.
Oscillating (Licking)	Sweeping side-to-side or up-and-down motion.	Soft, progressive, and mimics human touch.	Those who prefer a gentler buildup and controlled stimulation.
Vibrating (Wand/Egg)	Continuous vibration at various speeds.	Ranges from a subtle hum to a powerful buzz.	Exploring overall sensitivity and finding your preferred intensity.

 

3.1.2 Internal Stimulation: It’s All About Structure

Once you move to internal exploration, the specific "tech" (vibration, heating, app controls, all that fancy stuff) matters less than the physical design of the toy. You aren't just looking for a feeling; you're looking for a fit.

Because here's the thing: your body has curves, angles, and spots that are only a few inches in. A toy that doesn't match those curves? It's like trying to open a lock with the wrong key — sure, you might get lucky, but mostly you'll just get frustrated.

So, 3 things you can take into consideration: Size, Shape, and Angle.

Size

Bigger doesn't always mean better. In fact, for G-spot or A-spot stimulation, too much width can actually make it harder to target the front wall accurately. Start modest — about 1 to 1.5 inches in diameter is plenty for most beginners. Length? You only need about 4–5 inches to reach the G-spot and even the A-spot. Anything longer is fine, but you don't have to use all of it.

Shape

This is where the magic happens. A toy with a curve or a hook at the tip is your best friend. Straight toys? They mostly hit the back wall or nowhere special. Curved toys? They naturally press against the front wall — right where the G-spot and A-spot live. Some toys have a bulbous head (a rounder, thicker tip) which can provide more pressure on a smaller area. Others have a gradual slope — better for gliding and teasing.

Angle

Not just the toy's angle — the approach angle. When you insert a curved G-spot toy, the curve should face up (toward your belly button). Then you use a "rocking" or "come-hither" motion, not just in-and-out. Some toys have a fixed angle (like 15–30 degrees), which works great if it matches your anatomy. Others are flexible — you can bend them slightly to customize the fit. That's often better for beginners because you can adjust as you go.

3.1.3 Multiple Stimulation: The Best of All Worlds

Ready for the "advanced" level? You've mastered the basics. You know your spots. You know what shape fits. Now it's time to stop choosing between sensations and start combining them.

Versatile toys combine different technologies — all working together at the same time. Think of it like upgrading from a single tool to a whole toolkit that operates with one button.

The classic example? The Rabbit. Internal vibration (the shaft) + external air-pulse or vibration (the little "ears" or "rabbit" part that sits outside). So while you're hitting the G-spot inside, your clitoris is getting completely different stimulation on the outside. Both at once. That's the kind of multitasking your body deserves.

Some rabbits do: Internal vibration + external air-pulse or Internal vibration + external vibration

This is the ultimate way to experiment once you know which sensations you love most. Because let's be real — why settle for one kind of fun when you can have two (or three) at the same time?

One warning though: Advanced doesn't mean "better for everyone." Some people find dual stimulation overwhelming — too much input at once. That's fine. Just remember, the toy works for you, not the other way around!

So yeah. Level up when you're ready. And when you do? Buckle up. Or don't. Either way, you're in for a good time. :)

[Watch the video below to see Venus O'Hara demonstrate sex toy category in action!]

3.2 The Buying Logic: Why the "Path" Matters

We recommend starting from the outside and working your way in. Why? Because everything is about safe, then fun.

Start with External

External stimulation — or clitoral stimulation — is the "entry point" for most beginners for two reasons:
Physically: It's non-invasive. You don't insert anything, so if you want to protect the hymen (some people call this "preserving virginity",  just so you know, "virginity" is a social concept, not a medical one. The hymen can stretch or tear from many things (sports, tampons, etc. So external play doesn't guarantee an intact hymen, but it's true that it avoids penetration entirely), and some people are born with very little hymen tissue.) while still having fun, this is the way to go. It's generally less intense than internal stimulation, so you stay in control the whole time.
Psychologically: It doesn't feel like sexual intercourse the way insertion toys do. That can really ease fear, nervousness, or even guilt — especially for beginners or people with cultural or personal hang-ups about penetration. No pressure. Just pleasure.

And here's the kicker: research shows that 70–80% of vulva owners require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. So starting here isn't just "beginner stuff" — it's literally how most people get there anyway.

Then Move to Internal

Once you feel ready, start to explore internal stimulation with those G-spot stimulators (or maybe your fingers — but remember to wash your hands and clip your nails first. If you wear any fake nails, please just use the toy. Trust me on this one — it is neither good for your beautiful nails nor your vagina.)
During this phase, this is where you put that size, shape, and angle knowledge to work. Start small. Use lube — always. Aim for that front wall about 2–3 inches in (right where the G-spot lives). And remember: the goal isn't to go deep. The goal is to hit the right spot with the right pressure.
Don't rush this step. Some people love internal right away. Some need weeks of external play first. Both are normal. You do you.

Finally Multiple Stimulation

Multiple stimulation means combining two or more types of sensation at once. The most common? Clitoral + G-spot together. That's where versatile toys like the Rabbit shine — external ears (vibration or air-pulse) doing their thing while the curved shaft hits your G-spot from the inside.

But don't stop there. You can also combine:

• Clitoral + anal stimulation
• G-spot + nipple stimulation (use your free hand or a second toy)
• External + internal vibration + manual grinding

This is the "advanced level" we talked about. It's not for everyone every time — sometimes simple is better. But when you know what you like? Multiple stimulation is how you turn a spark into a fireworks show.

The key is layering. Start one sensation, get comfortable, then add the next. Too much at once can be overwhelming. Build up slowly, and you'll find combinations you never knew you needed.

3.3 The "Size & Level" Guide

To help you choose the right "fit" for internal exploration, we’ve broken down medical data on vaginal size into three easy levels. Remember: the vagina is elastic and expands when you are in the mood!

Level	Insertable Length	Diameter	Why This Range?
Beginner (Lvl 1)	7–10 cm (2.7–4 in)	2.5–3 cm (≈1–1.2 in)	Focuses on comfort and easy adaptation.
Intermediate (Lvl 2)	10–13 cm (4–5 in)	3–3.5 cm (1.2–1.4 in)	A balance of depth and "fullness."
Advanced (Lvl 3)	13–16 cm (5–6.3 in)	3.5–4+ cm (1.4–1.6 in)	For those already comfortable with internal pressure.

Pro tip: So when you choose your first internal toy, you can always start from the small one.

 

3.4 Intensity and Frequency: Finding Your Rhythm

Think of your first few sessions like learning to drive—you don’t start by slamming on the gas. You want a steady, controlled build-up that matches how your body is feeling in the moment.

3.4.1 Intensity: How to Choose

Intensity is the raw power of the toy. The rule is: Start Low.

Two reasons why:

Avoid Overstimulation: Starting at the highest setting can sometimes "shock" the nerves, making it harder to feel pleasure later. You want your nerves excited, not overwhelmed.

Match Your Arousal: Make sure you are fully erect (as hard as you can get) before you go higher. If you crank up the intensity too early, you risk discomfort or even minor injury — especially with firm, unforgiving toys.

Pro Tip: You can actually increase the intensity without changing the settings. By moving the toy in circles or changing the pressure (friction), you build pleasure while staying in total control. The toy doesn't need to work harder — you just work smarter.

3.4.2 Frequency: Why Patterns Matter

Frequency refers to the rhythm — the pulses, the waves, the steady hums.

For beginners (and even pros!), continuous vibration is usually the most effective way to reach orgasm. Why? Because it provides a predictable "anchor" for your body to respond to. Your nervous system likes knowing what to expect.

Keep it Simple: When you're just starting, having 20 different patterns can be overwhelming. Seriously, who has time to test all those? Stick to one or two steady modes until you understand exactly how your body reacts to the rhythm. Then, and only then, start playing with the fancy patterns.

The "Pleasure Pattern" Checklist

When you get a new toy, if you don't want to read the instructions, you want to dive in immediately—no problems—remember these three GITM essentials:

Long Press: Usually turns the toy on/off (industry standard!).
Short Press: Usually cycles through the speeds and rhythms.
Listen to Your Body: If a setting feels "too much," go back down. There is no "right" speed—only the speed that feels right for you right now.

Venus’s Secret: "Pleasure is the goal, not just the orgasm. Use the 'teasy' pulse modes for foreplay and building closeness, and save the steady hum for the grand finale."

 

[Watch the video to see Venus demonstrate the difference between "buzzy" and "rumbly" motors!]

 

Pillar 4 — Materials, Cleaning & Care

Think of this pillar as your "Health & Safety Playbook." Choosing a toy isn't just about what feels good in the moment; it’s about hygiene, durability, and long-term bodily safety. In this chapter, we cut through the marketing fluff to show you what materials are actually body-safe, how to choose a lubricant that won't ruin your toys, and the medical "must-knows" for post-play cleanup.

 

4.1 Materials: Beyond the Aesthetic

Material safety is not a luxury—it is the foundation of your well-being. When a toy is non-porous, it means it doesn't have tiny microscopic holes where bacteria can hide. Choosing the right material ensures your "me time" stays healthy and your toys last for years.

Recommended Materials

 

Materials to Avoid

 

4.2 Lubrication: The Secret to Smooth Play

Lubricant is the unsung hero of pleasure. It reduces friction, prevents micro-tears, and makes every sensation feel more "real." However, not every lube is a match for every toy. Use this guide to avoid damaging your collection.

Lubricant Type	Medical Recommendation	Key Benefits	Risks / When to Avoid	Compatible Toy Materials
Water-based (Venus's recommendation)	✅ Most recommended	Versatile, condom-safe, toy-safe, easy to clean, low irritation risk	Dries faster → may require reapplication	✓Silicone ✓ABS plastic ✓Glass ✓Stainless steel  ✓Rubber/TPR
Silicone-based	✅ Recommended for long-lasting glide	Extremely durable, does not dry quickly, ideal when friction must be minimized	❌ Should not be used with silicone toys because it can degrade the material	✓Glass ✓Metal ✓Hard plastic ✖Silicone toys
Hybrid (water + silicone)	⚠️ Conditional recommendation	Combines longevity with easier cleanup	May still damage silicone toys depending on formula → always patch test	✓Glass ✓Metal ✓Plastic ✖Test on silicone first
Oil-based	❌ Generally not recommended for most beginners	Very long-lasting, moisturizing	Can degrade latex condoms and may increase infection risk in vaginal use	✓Glass ✓Metal  ✓Some plastics ✖Latex ✖Many silicone toys

 

4.3 Cleaning & Aftercare: The Reset

Post-play care is about two things: resetting your body and resetting your tools. While your body has its own amazing cleaning systems, your toys need a little help from you.

Cleaning Body After Using Sex Toys (with lubricant)

Area	Frequency	How	Soap or Water	Wait Time
Vulva (outside only)	After sex/use	Rinse gently, wipe front → back	Warm water preferred; mild, unscented soap is OK if tolerated	No strict rule — once comfortable

Medical Note: The vulva can be washed, but harsh soaps and scented products may cause irritation.

 

Area	Frequency	How	Soap or Water	Wait Time
Inside vagina	Do NOT clean	No douching	Nothing needed	Not applicable

Internal Cleaning (Vagina): Do NOT clean inside. No douching. The vagina is self-cleaning and produces natural fluids to maintain balance. Douching is linked to infections and is not recommended. ("Think You Have a Vaginal Infection? Here's What You Need to Know." - Dr. Cynthia Abraham, 2025 - American College of Obstetricians & Gynecologists)

Anal & Rectal Aftercare

Post-anal play hygiene focuses on external care for the anus. Internal rectal douching is generally not recommended by medical professionals due to potential risks.

Medical Note: The internal rectum, like the vagina, has a delicate mucosal lining. Most doctors advise against internal rectal douching or enemas as they can damage the tissue, disrupt the natural balance, and potentially increase the risk of infection, including STIs. For internal cleanliness before anal play, maintaining a high-fiber diet is the safest and most effective method for most people

Cleaning Different Sex Toy Materials

Material	How to Clean	Difficulty	How to Store
Medical-grade Silicone	Warm water + mild soap; some can be boiled	★★	Dry fully, store alone
Borosilicate / Tempered Glass	Soap + warm water or boil	★	Store in padded pouch
Stainless Steel	Soap + water; can boil	★	Keep dry
ABS Hard Plastic	Soap + water (do NOT boil)	★	Cool, dry place
TPE / TPR	Wash carefully with soap + water	★★★	Store separately (can hold bacteria)
Jelly / PVC	Hard to fully clean	★★★	Avoid long-term use
Latex / Rubber blends	Gentle wash only	★★★	Keep away from heat
Cyberskin / Real-feel	Warm water, air dry well	★★★	Dust with renewal powder if provided

 

The GITM Key Principles:

• Non-porous is safer: Always prioritize Silicone, Glass, or Steel.
• Body First: Wash the outside, leave the inside alone.
• Storage Matters: Don't let your silicone toys touch each other in storage—they can actually "melt" together over time! Store them in individual pouches.

The Ending: Your Journey Continues

As you move forward, remember that your body's response is unique and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel. Self-exploration is a practice, not a race.

Be patient with yourself, stay curious, and give yourself permission to enjoy the sensations your body is capable of. We hope this guide has empowered you to embrace your body with confidence and joy.

Enjoy your toys, and most importantly, enjoy your body. Just remember: GITMPLAYBOOK, GUIDE YOU THROUGH!