Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life: 16 Fun Things Couples Can Actually Try
Long-term relationships can make sex wonderfully comfortable. You know what your partner likes. You know what works. You probably even know what happens next.
And then one day you realize: you've basically been following the same script for the last six months.
That doesn't mean your relationship is in trouble. Familiarity is normal. But novelty can be fun.
Research on couples has found that sharing new and exciting activities can improve relationship quality, and other studies have linked novel experiences with greater sexual desire and sexual satisfaction. The interesting part is that you don't necessarily need to do something extreme. Something simply different can be enough to wake up your curiosity.
So instead of another list of vague advice like "try new things," here are some ideas you can actually picture yourselves doing.
We've built two playbooks to help you understand your body and discover where to start your self-intimacy journey:
-GITMPLAYBOOK: Best Sex Toys for Vulva Owners: Beginner Buying Guide
-GITMPLAYBOOK: Penis Stimulation for Beginners: Guide to Solo Pleasure
1. Try a Little Spanking
Spanking can be playful, sensual, or part of a bigger power dynamic. You don't need to jump straight into anything intense.
Try this: during kissing or foreplay, agree that your partner can give you two or three light, open-handed taps on the fleshy part of the buttocks. Then ask, "More, less, or stop?"
That's it.
The point isn't to see how much pain someone can handle. It's to discover whether the sensation adds something to the experience. Avoid the spine, kidneys, head, neck, joints, and other vulnerable areas.
2. Book One Night Away—Even Somewhere Boring
You don't need a romantic trip to Paris. Sometimes a completely ordinary hotel thirty minutes from home works better because it feels different without becoming a major project.
Try this: check into a local hotel, order room service, put both phones on silent, and agree that neither of you is allowed to talk about work, bills, laundry, or tomorrow's schedule until breakfast.
The hotel isn't magic. Getting out of your normal routine is. Shared novelty is one reason researchers have found that exciting activities can benefit relationship quality and sexual desire.
3. Change One Thing About Your Usual Sex
Don't try to become completely different people overnight. Take the routine you already like and change one element.
Try this: if you always have sex in bed at night, try starting on the sofa, then move to the bedroom. Or if you usually move quickly toward penetration, spend the first fifteen to twenty minutes doing everything except that.
The point is not "more." It's different.
4. Bring a Toy Into the Experience
A toy can add a new sensation without replacing anything your partner already enjoys. For beginners, a small vibrator is usually easier to experiment with than something complicated.
Try this: choose one together before the weekend. Neither person gets to veto the other person's choice without explaining why. During sex, try it for just a few minutes and decide whether you like it.
If neither of you likes it? Congratulations—you've learned something. You don't need to force it just because you bought it.
5. Create Anticipation During the Day
Sex doesn't have to start when the bedroom door closes. Sometimes the build-up is half the fun.
Try this: send your partner one message in the afternoon: "Save some energy for tonight." Then leave it there.
You don't need to describe the entire plan. The unanswered part is the fun. Research on couples' sexual well-being also suggests that paying attention to positive sexual cues and intimacy can support desire and satisfaction.
6. Pretend You're Strangers
Role-play does not have to mean costumes, fake accents, or memorizing lines.
Try this: meet your partner at a bar or café and pretend you've never met. Don't start with "Hey babe." Introduce yourselves. Ask basic questions. Flirt. Then go home together.
For couples who have been together for years, being treated like someone new can be surprisingly refreshing.
7. Have Sex Somewhere New—But Keep It Private
This is where fantasy and reality need a little separation. The excitement of outdoor sex is easy to understand. The problem is that a public location can involve other people who never agreed to participate, and local laws may prohibit public sexual activity.
So don't turn "outdoor sex" into "let's do it in the park." :))
Try this instead: a genuinely private outdoor setting where you can reasonably expect not to be seen—such as a private garden, secluded private property, or a private accommodation with an outdoor area. You get the change of scenery without making a stranger part of your sex life.
8. Switch Who Takes the Lead
If one partner always initiates, chooses the position, decides when things start, and sets the pace, switch it up.
Try this: one night, partner A gets to choose the setting, music, pace, and general direction. The next time, partner B gets the same turn.
This doesn't need to become BDSM. It can simply be: "Tonight, you're in charge of choosing what happens." Just remember that taking the lead never overrides consent.
-Dominance and Submission Explained: What Dom/Sub Dynamics Mean and How to Explore Them
9. Have a Fantasy Night
You don't even need to act on a fantasy. Talking about one can already make things more interesting.
Try this: each person writes down one fantasy they would enjoy discussing, one thing they might consider trying, and one thing that's definitely off-limits. Then swap papers.
No laughing at the other person. No pressure to act on anything. A fantasy is information, not a request that must be fulfilled.
--How to Talk About Sexual Fantasies With Your Partner Without Feeling Awkward
10. Try a Blindfold
Blocking someone's vision can make familiar touch feel less predictable. It doesn't magically make every other sense stronger. Instead, you're removing visual information and increasing anticipation.
Try this: have your partner wear a soft sleep mask while you change something simple—where you're touching them, how you're touching them, or when you're touching them. Agree beforehand that saying "stop" ends the game immediately. For a first attempt, don't combine a blindfold with anything else complicated.
-Couples’ Secret Weapon #1: Blindfold Play — Take Your Intimacy to the Next Level, Why It Feels So Intense & How It Works
11. Play With Temperature
Temperature can make a familiar touch feel completely different. You don't need extreme temperatures.
Try this: keep a cool spoon or wrapped cool pack nearby and briefly touch it to the outer arm, shoulder, stomach, or thigh before switching back to your hand. For oral play, something as simple as taking a sip of a cool drink beforehand can create a mild temperature difference without introducing irritating substances.
And skip the internet's more reckless suggestions. Do not put chili, hot sauce, or spicy food on genitals or inside the vagina or anus. Capsaicin can cause significant irritation to sensitive tissue. You don't need pain or burning to make temperature play interesting.
12. Explore Anal Play Slowly
For a beginner, "anal play" doesn't have to mean penetration.
Try this: start with external touch during a shower or while lying together. If both partners enjoy that and want to continue, move gradually toward a small purpose-designed anal toy with plenty of lubricant.
The anus doesn't self-lubricate like the vagina, so lubricant matters. And any anal toy should have a flared base or another reliable retrieval feature. Don't improvise with household objects.
-How to do anal play Safely (How to use a butt plug-Beginner Guide)
13. Try a "No Penetration" Night
This is surprisingly effective because it removes the expectation that sex has to lead to penetration.
Try this: make a rule for one evening—penetration is off the table. You can kiss, touch, massage, use toys, masturbate together, give oral sex, or simply explore each other's bodies.
Suddenly there is no need to rush toward the "main event." Research on sexual well-being supports the idea that more flexible sexual scripts can be helpful when couples don't treat intercourse as the only legitimate form of sex.
14. Try a Different Kind of Touch
Sometimes "spicing things up" means slowing down rather than becoming more adventurous.
Try this: give each other a ten-minute massage where the receiver isn't allowed to direct the other person's hands for the first five minutes. After five minutes, switch.
It sounds simple. That's the point. You may discover that the anticipation of "where are they going next?" is more exciting than rushing toward genital stimulation.
15. Make the Bedroom Feel Like Somewhere Else
You don't need to leave home. Change the atmosphere. :)
Try this: turn off the overhead light. Put clean sheets on the bed. Play music you wouldn't normally associate with sex. Put your phones in another room. Use a scent you both like.
The bedroom can feel completely different without buying anything. This isn't just about decoration. Researchers studying couples' sexual satisfaction have found associations with mood setting, sexual variety, and sexual communication.
16. Don't Forget What Happens After Sex
Here's one couples sometimes overlook. The experience doesn't necessarily end when orgasm happens.
Try this: instead of immediately grabbing your phone or getting up to shower, spend another ten minutes together. Cuddle. Talk. Get a drink. Listen to music. Stay close.
Research has linked affectionate behavior after sex with greater sexual and relationship satisfaction, and a recent randomized study also found improvements in women's sexual satisfaction when afterplay was included in sexual education. Sometimes better sex isn't about making the sex itself longer. It's about making the whole experience better.
What if one of you wants to try more than the other?
This is normal. You don't have to have matching fantasy lists.
Suppose one person wants to try a blindfold and the other isn't interested. Try the hotel night instead. One person wants a toy? Start by shopping together. One person wants outdoor sex? Talk about finding a genuinely private setting rather than doing something risky in public.
The goal isn't "How much can we convince each other to do?" It's "What's the most interesting thing we both genuinely want to try?" That difference matters.
Don't turn novelty into a competition
This is where these lists can accidentally make sex worse. You try spanking. Then you feel like you need a blindfold. Then role-play. Then toys. Then something even more extreme. Suddenly you're trying to impress each other instead of enjoying each other.
Research suggests that the value of novelty comes from engaging together in new, exciting experiences—not from continually increasing the intensity.
So let an experiment be small. It can be awkward. You can laugh. You can decide you never want to do it again. That's still a successful experiment.
A simple beginner challenge
Don't try sixteen things. Pick three.
One change to the environment: a hotel night, different room, private outdoor setting, or a completely different mood.
One change to the sexual routine: blindfold, massage, spanking, a toy, or a no-penetration night.
One change to the conversation: share a fantasy, switch who leads, or ask what your partner wants more of.
Then compare notes afterward. What did you like? What didn't you? What would you change next time? That's how couples actually discover what works.
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GITMPLAYBOOK Advice
If you're feeling stuck in a sexual rut, don't panic. It happens to almost every long-term couple. The fix isn't usually a dramatic overhaul. It's usually one small change, done with curiosity and a sense of humor. Pick something from this list that sounds fun to both of you. Try it. If it works, great. If it doesn't, laugh about it and try something else. The goal isn't to become sexual acrobats. The goal is to keep discovering each other. And that starts with a conversation.
We've built two playbooks to help you understand your body and discover where to start your self-intimacy journey:
-GITMPLAYBOOK: Best Sex Toys for Vulva Owners: Beginner Buying Guide
-GITMPLAYBOOK: Penis Stimulation for Beginners: Guide to Solo Pleasure
GITMPLAYBOOK, GUIDE YOU THROUGH.
The Bottom Line
Spicing up your sex life doesn't have to mean doing something extreme. Sometimes it's a hotel room. Sometimes it's an ice-cold drink before a kiss. Sometimes it's three playful spanks. Sometimes it's a vibrator you've never tried. Sometimes it's pretending you're strangers for one night. And sometimes it's simply turning off your phones and asking your partner: "What have we never tried because we've always done things this way?"
The goal isn't to become more adventurous for the sake of it. It's to stay curious about each other. Because long-term sex doesn't have to stay exciting by constantly becoming more extreme. It can stay exciting by continuing to feel alive, playful, and a little bit new.
Disclaimer: This article is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or relationship advice. If you are experiencing persistent sexual difficulties, pain, or relationship distress, please consult a qualified healthcare provider or sex therapist.
References
- Research on shared novel activities and relationship quality in long-term couples.
- Studies on self-expansion theory and sexual desire.
- Research on sexual script flexibility and sexual well-being.
- Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. Novelty and sexual desire in long-term relationships.
- Archives of Sexual Behavior. Sexual variety and relationship satisfaction.
- Research on affectionate behavior after sex and relationship satisfaction.
- Randomized study on afterplay and women's sexual satisfaction.